No Leo? No Go.

“Dear Ms. Serensky,

My boyfriend wants to break up, but I do not. Help me!

Sincerely, Desperate & Confused”

Dear Desperate & Confused,

Look, honey, you need to listen to the directions of life: Wash your hands thoroughly until you have wiped yourself clean of all germs. Your boyfriend stands as the flu-carrying germ in your life. No one begs to get the flu unless they hold a serious mental derangement. Do you hold said problem? I sincerely hope not, and I shall continue on in my advice as if you do not. You need to make a clean break from this indolent caveman and move on with your life. Why would you ever want to attach yourself to someone who clearly does not care about your life, interests, or aspirations? I mean unless your current love interest stands as Leonardo DiCaprio, I see no benefit in keeping a relationship sinking faster than the RMS Titanic. Pun totally intended. (*Side note* If this boyfriend does go by the name of Leonardo Dicaprio and he acts in many movies, my previous advice cannot reign as applicable or useful in any way, shape, or form. Hold on to that man for as long as possible. Do not let go. Ever.) I can tell that you hold great potential to flourish, individually, into an awesome and independent person. Do not let one person in a world of seven billion hold you back- that would fall under the category of “pitifully stupid.” So, with my expert advice, I suggest that you dump the fool first, and work on finding a real man who will buy you tampons when you need them. Study diligently and become the valedictorian to show him who runs the world (the answer: girls). Work hard and become the most well-respected employee of your work place to teach him how to fear power. Break a sweat at Zumba to make him regret ever wanting to leave a sizzler like you. If you find yourself needing more advice on this topic, I implore you to dive into He’s Just Not That Into You by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo. They should definitely help sort some things out for you mentally. Good luck and remember if you ever find yourself in a sticky situation, ask yourself: “What Would Bobbie Jo Do?”

Sincerely, Ms. Serensky. 

Dshannon Unchained

You can call me Shannon… or you can call me Movie Buff the Cinephile, Fiend for Film. Yes, I quite like that. The search for entertainment in my life habitually ends when I log onto Netflix, flip to Movies on Demand, or drive myself to the theatre. Do I re-watch a classic or do I adventure into a new director’s world? No matter what I choose, I always find myself fully engaged in the actors, script, and direction. Ryan Gosling chick-flicks? Yes. Harry Potter enchantments? Absolutely. Oscar-worthy movie-to-book adaptations? The more the merrier. Japanese anime? Well, eh, not so much; but, hey, I cannot stand as one to judge. Recently, my passion has turned 180 degrees from romantic comedies to gore- unedited, immoral, cut-through-the-bone gore. And where else does one turn to quench their bloody thirst other than the one and only Quentin Tarantino, director of my new chart-topping favorite, “Django Unchained.” First of all, dang! Tarantino’s mastermind somehow takes such a dark part of American history, puts a dramatic spin on it, and turns it into a story of love, determination, and yes, murder. From start to finish, the 180-minute movie captured me with its unexpected humor yet emotionally daunting character development. Jamie Foxx, Christopher Waltz, and Leonardo DiCaprio take on the main stage among a star-studded cast and nail their transformation into characters of the Deep South in an era of unjustified slavery and conflict beyond one’s wildest imagination. Tarantino takes on a new level of ambition as he creates a sadistic tone and pushes the effects profanely over the top. Blood spews uncontrollably every time someone receives a gunshot wound as if they hold no bones in their body. Yes, unrealistic as it may seem, the deranged yet lovable director themes this masterpiece off of revenge and disregards a flare for the practical. I love it. Only Tarantino can handle this level of irony and violence in one film and still have the ability to make every moment tense and unpredictable for the audience. I warn, “Django Unchained” may arouse great discomfort in some due to its use of language and heavy sadistic attitude toward a touchy mistake in our nation’s past; however, I encourage those mentioned to look past the sometimes politically incorrect script and see the movie for what it truly remains: a fun, thrilling, over-the-top adventure meant for enjoyment, not political debate. 

"Django. The D is silent."