How to become Serensky's Shining Star

 Dear brave student,

Congratulations! I must give you a pat on the back for making the daunting decision to enter the world of an AP English student. Tough times lie ahead but trust me, you will get through the countless essays and you will stand forever grateful that you took on the tasks that no ordinary student ever would. The things you will discuss in this class will range from awkward to serious, from laughable to obscure. Every minute of every day will bring an opportunity to recognize a new potential in yourself or a new light in which to view the world. AP English will teach you how to write an essay in twenty-five minutes, a skill most coveted by any procrastinating college student. So, now that you have made the decision to take on Ms. Serensky’s world, it stands as my job to teach you how to survive in the wild world of AP English.

Step 1:

Take your parents’ credit card to the nearest CVS, Target, or OfficeMax. Buy yourself 100 pens (blue, black, and red), two of the biggest binders you can find (one per semester), and one million sheets of college-ruled paper. You will need to return to the store to buy more paper after the first quarter.

Step 2:

Do some hand and finger exercises. Carpal tunnel remains an unfortunate inevitability for every AP English student. You may as well try to prevent it for as long as possible.

Step 3:

Please, for the love of Mortimer, do the following for the only easy points you will ever receive in this class:

1.     TURN IT IN TO TURNITIN.COM.

2.     TYPE ALL PAPERS IN TIMES NEW ROMAN, FONT SIZE 12 WITH 1” MARGINS, DOUBLE SPACED, AND A HEADER.

3.     DO NOT DOODLE ON YOUR PAPERS.

Step 4:

Run a few miles prior to entering the classroom. The arctic tundra may ironically stand as the first thing to kill you.

Step 5:

If you do not have an intelligent question to ask, do not ask one at all. Think it over in your head and ask yourself “will Ms. Serensky want to hurt me after I let this leave my mouth?” The answer? Probably yes.

Step 6:

Have fun. No other class in the high school allows you so much freedom when it comes to answering a question or talking in a discussion. No other class in the high school will have an open-ended discussion on why you remain alone on the holidays, or how you turn into a monster once a month, or where your opinion lies on tramps named Laurie.

Honestly, there remain many more tips and tricks to survive your years in AP English but I cannot share with you because that would ruin your whole experience. You will laugh and cry and cry of laughter; you will jump for joy and curse the name Elizabeth Strout; but, you will never forget the hard work and time you put forth on your way to finally receive a hug from the one and only, Queen Serensky.

Best wishes,

Dshannon: AP English Extraordinaire.

A Case of THE Bradley Mundays

My parents named me Bradley Munday but most people refer to Brad, B-Mund, or THE football/ track guru. I have always stood as a fan of Mondays (obviously) because they allow me a fresh start to a new week under my motto: “Work hard. Play hard.” You see, most people would call me multi-talented and although I consider myself humble, I cannot disagree. During the week, you can find me working on homework from one of my many AP classes in which I thrive. Calculus BC? Please, the limit never exists for Bradley Munday. Chemistry? Call me Dmitri Mendeleev. Computer Science? I speak java in my sleep. English? Well… uh… I… you see… Jon and Laurie… and yeah… Olive, too… I think… pathos. Trust me, you cannot and will not stop my academic grind. I carry out my intensity all the way until I reach the front of the line on Pasta Wednesday. I mean, jeez Megan, THAT’S how you make pasta. *Insert the B-Mund head shake here* After school, I book it to the holy football locker room to get myself amped for another three-hour practice at Harris Stadium: my home away from home. Man, the memories I have made with my friends, no, brothers will carry me throughout the rest of my life. Seriously. After scoring an average of six touchdowns a game with the help of my baby bro, Michael, I talk to my many adoring fans (mostly girls) and head to the hottest social scene to get my groove on. You could call me the greatest dancer alive or you could not. But the latter would make you wrong and a wrong answer deserves an extra long head shake. Look up “Harlem Shake CFHS AP Chemistry” and watch me head-BOB across the camera. (Notice the difference between the head shake and the head-bob). So many talents, so few people to share them with, which remains why I chose to attend The Johns Hopkins University in the fall of 2013. There, I can put those wannabe intellectual peasants in their places and wreak havoc on the gridiron with my dude, Soup. Everyone wants to live a day in the life of Bradley Munday, the big man on campus, as Mr. Maas would say. One day, you will all regret laughing at me when I stand ruling the world with a new Spain t-shirt on my back and my long-long-term girlfriend, Megan Stricker, on my arm. God, those memories with my football boys… awesome. 

Bow Down to the Queen

In a matter of weeks, we, the class of 2013, will move adventurously on toward the future leaving the names we have made for ourselves at Chagrin Falls behind. Some of us anxiously wait for the moment when we can throw our embarrassing titles out the window (for the record, I passed my driver’s test on the first try… flawlessly); some of us deservingly hold on to the auspicious titles given to us by our classmates (Blythe- we all hate you. YOU KNOW WHY).  For me, I find that I have made several names for myself during my years here, both good and bad. Life of the Party: awarded by classmates, frowned upon by Ms. Serensky. Worst Driver: one time. One time I hit Andrew Osgood. One time. Token Asian: the Chinese take over America? *hint hint* Totally a real thing. Dshannon: self-explanatory (for those who do not see the explanation in itself: I kill slave owners with a German dentist in my spare time).These names have given me a run for my money, but I stand ready to move on and show my true colors. We all have labels, whether we like it or not; however, as we move forward, college provides us with plenty of papers on which we may signature a new name. Mine? Queen of the Nerds. Who needs to party with Greek Row when a perfectly good marathon of The Lord of the Rings coaxes you to stay in your cozy 10-by-10 dorm all weekend? Truly, I have a flare for the supernatural, an obsession with magic, an addiction to re-reading the Harry Potter series, and an unhealthy craving to win a national LARPing tournament. As college stands as the opportune moment to spread my wings and fly, I plan to join the Squirrel Watching Club along with a plethora of other unusual clubs to establish my dominant presence on campus. I want my future classmates to view me this way because I have hidden this side of myself for far too long and I fear that if I keep it down any longer, I will face unfortunate victimization under the Dissociative Identity Disorder. Perhaps I will cheer up my stressed classmates with a Spock sign as they walk to class as I often feel that a simple solute to my home planet will put a smile on anyone’s face. I firmly consider the obviously truth that showing your true self to others will draw them toward you. I also hope that this new name will encourage me to study harder and work more diligently in academics as I may finally get the compliment of “you work TOO hard.” I believe that those habits will happily juxtapose those of my current status as I fail to do most of my homework (excluding English, of course) until the due date. I find myself restless with excitement for the debut of the new and arguably improved Shannon Fung. Just wait until our ten-year reunion when I promise, I shall make my entrance on a glimmering Segway with a robot boyfriend on my arm.